Phony, bogus, fraudulent, imposter, CON ARTIST, and faux doesn’t utterly and precisely describe a Narcissist – manipulative, emotionally and psychologically abusive, pathological liar, predator after a goal, and persona disordered sums it up higher.
From my E-book – Greg Zaffuto – Creator – From Appeal to Hurt and All the things else in Between with a Narcissist!
The Narcissist is a grasp of FAKE feelings and empathy with a phony façade and life to match. They seem to take you in, care about you, perceive all the pieces you might be experiencing, they usually seem to genuinely put themselves in your sneakers to know “YOU” with acceptance and unconditional love. They observe and react with that resounding smile, approval, and unconditional care and love. All of this causes you to let your guard down and actually imagine there’s a real give-and-take in your relationship and a love that exists that’s only for you. It’s overwhelming to satisfy somebody that’s a lot such as you, so related to your ideas, and so reactive to satisfy your each want that you just BELIEVE in them utterly. BUT as soon as they acquire your belief, they are going to pounce on you. They wait till you might be completely snug with them, and your guard is totally down and even maybe having a low second in your life and now the time has come to handle you down and to regulate you to handle the enterprise at hand or safe the provision they got here for. How do they do that? By way of that tremendous connection they created with us – what we didn’t anticipate is that THEY have been additionally unlocking our insecurities, our likes and dislikes, our private secrets and techniques, and anything they might use AGAINST us within the second section of this so-called relationship or the devaluation section to regulate us – or the HARM section!
What would you do should you have been utterly void of affection and empathy, how would you work together within the regular world? With out feelings or the flexibility to bond you would need to management individuals to entice them into your faulty world so you could possibly primarily slot in and get/take what you want which you can’t accomplish by yourself. Narcissists completely execute an emotional and psychological assault on their sufferer as a result of their function is to put on you down, to humiliate you, and make you are feeling small and inferior and depending on them OR once more management. A Narcissist isn’t going to will let you have emotions for YOURSELF and they’re going to make you imagine you might be egocentric and incorrect for wanting ANY consideration. There isn’t a such factor as YOUR wants or individuality, they usually principally erase your persona little by little. They need what they need, they usually have invested their time to mould you right into a viable supply of provide. Narcissists don’t tolerate individuality as a result of persons are objects for them to make use of as they see match. There may be nothing extra right here than their agenda coming to fruition, and you have to perceive that THIS IS ALL IT WAS. Predator after their prey utilizing camouflage to cover the reality to entice you – or that façade and masks. The straightforward reality is that an individual that can’t relate to feelings or empathy can not relate to a different human being within the smallest manner.
A Narcissist ALWAYS likes to make you are feeling that YOU are loopy, particularly should you attempt to confront them, make them accountable, carry up previous points or behaviors, or expose them when they’re doing one thing appalling or mendacity. Principally, YOU are informed that you’ve an overactive creativeness, you don’t know what you might be speaking about, they’ve NO concept what you might be speaking about, or that you’re merely making issues as much as trigger issues. They’ll inform you that it’s apparent that YOU are the one who’s loopy (and inform you that everybody round you agrees with them about you being loopy). FURTHERMORE, they are going to declare to not keep in mind any of those occasions, even flatly deny that they ever occurred, and can NEVER settle for the chance that they may have forgotten. Your perceptions of normalcy and actuality are regularly undermined in order that you find yourself with none confidence in your individual instinct, reminiscence, processing your ideas, or reasoning, AND consistently confused. The Narcissist is a grasp at spinning all the pieces and deflecting to stay in management and protecting you weak!
The Narcissist will up the sport to incorporate destroying your soul, your ego, your accomplishments, and any perception system you need to utterly handle you right down to feeling nugatory. The way in which the sport is performed is for them to attempt to flip all the pieces about you and all the pieces you do, into an entire failure. The Narcissist has the reasoning of a kid – however they act out like a controlling, demanding, and demeaning dad or mum (extra so poisonous). It doesn’t matter what your actual age, you might be by no means allowed to succeed in a viable emotional age with them particularly one that enables in your individuality or progress with them. You’ll at all times be handled like a silly little one, a nasty little one, a foolish little one, and many others., and you’ll at all times be reprimanded and put in your home to honor them utterly and NEVER query them! Constant managing down is what all this quantities to!
All the things with a Narcissist is aggressive and each life scenario is a contest that requires “one-upmanship”, to beat their opponent. It at all times includes a “payoff” for the Narcissist that’s ALWAYS about them getting one thing or extorting all the pieces they’ll and devaluing and hurting you by some means too. They really feel superior inside their capacity to con, management, and destroy. Once more, their delusional world is sort of a battleground with them in opposition to us as a result of all people and all the pieces is a menace – be it actual or perceived. They hold monitor of actual AND imaginary belongings you do, have completed, or may do. It’s a reactionary relationship with them BUT you’re the one which at all times should clarify your each phrase and motion to them and made accountable if you end up not serving their each whim and want!
Lastly what helps their lies is full DENIAL. You will need to acknowledge that the Narcissist won’t ever acknowledge that any video games are being performed AND the essential level right here is that it’s as much as YOU to cease taking part in. There may be completely NOTHING you are able to do to repair them, the scenario or heal them! You’ll at all times be informed you might be incorrect, they’re proper, and that you’re in want of some severe assist. You’ll be able to’t get them to acknowledge or take duty for his or her phrases or actions as a result of they are going to at all times say they didn’t do it or it by no means occurred. They need to or else face actual accountability and retribution for his or her actions after which their gig could be up, so that they deflect with extra lies, extra manipulation, and punishing, silencing and abusing you! They’ll destroy you utterly to keep away from publicity.
The primary level right here is that what I described is a Narcissist and the way they abuse. They don’t seem to be totally functioning human beings. They don’t join on ANY degree with human beings besides to make use of them as provide. We are able to describe this as a superficial relationship, but it surely goes far past superficial as a result of it’s a poisonous and harmful relationship that may utterly drain you and disable you and your perception system. Your duty is to get your ‘ah ha’ second and perceive that they’re the faulty ones that emotionally and psychologically inflicted some deep wounds which have severely affected your psyche. BUT that’s the place you begin in your highway to restoration. There may be one other sort of therapeutic that includes your private emotional wounds that the Narcissist sourced out and used in opposition to you. Therapeutic includes you and solely you closing all of these wounds completely by means of your private journey or restoration!
No matter that Narcissist has mentioned to you that has deeply harm you or wounded you is NOT an actual commentary, it was your vulnerabilities that you just shared with them once you trusted them. They twisted, tweaked, and distorted these vulnerabilities to make use of in opposition to you and outline you. They have been so supportive to start with, however that was additionally to realize your belief and the information of your weaknesses to make use of in opposition to you. You opened up your superb coronary heart together with your entire wounds and gave them the chance to search out any and your entire weaknesses AND they have been in search of them. They DO NOT have the flexibility to know ache, sorrow, being weak or apply empathy – they solely need entry to your weaknesses to make use of them in opposition to you or to CONTROL you.
That is what we’ve got to heal inside us or these weaknesses that they’ve consistently identified as a result of they’re actual and inside us and now, they’ve made them come to the floor a lot in order that we misplaced our price and trusting our personal actuality. They’re grasp recreation gamers and used their eager notion to at all times be on prime of their recreation. They took these weaknesses and embellished them to even make you suppose you have been mentally in poor health and even worry your self and your mind-set. It’s a very sick recreation that these Narcissists play, BUT it’s a recreation that requires different gamers, and you need to completely choose out of collaborating! They’ll assault you at any and each degree they’ll, even making enjoyable of you bodily and they are often VERY merciless! You’ll ask why and the way they’ll do that – properly once more as a result of they don’t have any empathy, no care, no connection, no bond, no morals, and no love for some other human being or they’re persona dysfunction AND they have been after one thing – that’s your full reply. Please internalize and KNOW this! ALSO, please perceive that you just nonetheless ARE that tremendous particular person, and this was situational, or abuse and you’ll get well with information, training and assist. No/minimal contact to start out out in your journey to restoration! Greg