“When an outdated particular person dies, a library burns to the bottom.” ~African Proverb
For many of my life, I believed ageing was about our bodies slowing down—hair turning white, reminiscence fading, steps getting shorter. However caring for my ninety-six-year-old mom has modified that. I now see one thing deeper and extra painful: the sluggish erasure of knowledge in a tradition that prizes the brand new, dismisses the outdated, and strikes too quick to note what it’s dropping.
We dwell in a world that idolizes youth and innovation—new tech, new tendencies, new concepts. “Outdated” has develop into shorthand for “outdated.” When knowledge turns into invisible, we cease asking questions that matter, and we lose the steering of those that have seen life’s full arc.
One afternoon, as my mom instructed me a narrative about her father, I noticed one thing that shook me: if I don’t study to be totally current together with her now, I cannot solely lose her. I’ll lose the prospect to hold her knowledge ahead—and to know myself extra deeply.
The Second It Hit Me
The home was bathed in late-afternoon mild, comfortable and gold. My mom sat throughout from me, recalling her childhood—ration playing cards through the warfare, the primary time she heard music on a radio.
Then she stopped mid-sentence. The silence stretched. I felt my acquainted impatience rise—that tug to complete her thought, to maneuver on, to get again to my to-do listing.
However this time, I stayed.
I stayed via the silence and felt one thing shift. The pause wasn’t empty—it was stuffed with her effort, her dignity, her reaching via time for one thing that mattered. If I rushed her, I’d erase greater than her reminiscence. I’d erase her proper to seek out it.
At that second, I understood that listening is not only kindness. It’s preservation—of her story, our relationship, and my very own capability to remain current when life will get onerous.
What I Realized About Decline
Caring for an elder isn’t merely about protecting them secure, fed, or medicated. It’s about bearing witness as their world grows smaller.
Witnessing isn’t passive. It’s energetic work—the work of noticing refined shifts in tone, the best way their eyes mild up at a tune they nonetheless bear in mind, the delight they really feel once they can nonetheless inform a narrative nobody else alive remembers.
This course of has taught me that dignity isn’t about staying sturdy without end. Dignity is about being seen and valued all the best way to the tip. And that’s one thing we may give to one another—if we’re prepared to decelerate.
The Value of a Tradition That Appears to be like Away
Our society strikes at excessive velocity, and it’s simpler to avert our eyes from ageing, decline, and demise. Youth is well known. Age is feared. “Outdated” turns into one thing to cover, one thing to repair, or worse, one thing to disregard.
However each time we glance away—even simply emotionally—we lose one thing irreplaceable. We lose not solely their tales but additionally the prospect to organize ourselves for a similar journey.
These moments of care have develop into a few of the most alive moments of my life. They’ve taught me persistence, tenderness, and a sort of presence no app, no e book, no productiveness hack may educate.
And so they have jogged my memory that in the future, I would be the one trying to find phrases, hoping somebody is affected person sufficient to remain.
A Mild Observe
We are able to resist the push and get better the behavior of listening. Do this:
Ask one query. It may be small: “What did Sundays appear to be if you had been ten?”
Wait. Let the silence do its work. Allow them to discover the reminiscence.
Protect it. Write it down or file it—not only for historical past, however to your personal coronary heart. Even one reminiscence saved is a bit of the library stored from burning.
Classes I Carry Ahead
My time with my mom has proven me that love is measured not by huge, dramatic gestures however by the willingness to remain—to maintain exhibiting up, even when it’s inconvenient, even when it breaks your coronary heart.
It has taught me that listening isn’t passive. It’s an act of reverence, a method of claiming, “You continue to matter. Your voice nonetheless issues.”
And it has challenged me to push again towards a tradition that treats knowledge as disposable. The elders are usually not holding us again. They’re holding the map of the place we’ve been so we don’t lose our method.
So I select to remain, to pay attention, to honor what’s fading as an alternative of speeding previous it. As a result of in the future, I would be the one pausing mid-sentence, trying to find a reminiscence—and I’ll hope somebody stays lengthy sufficient to let me discover it.
About Tony Collins
Tony Collins, EdD, MFA, is a author, documentary filmmaker, and educator whose work explores presence, creativity, and which means in on a regular basis life. His essays mix storytelling and reflection within the type of inventive nonfiction, drawing on experiences from filmmaking, journey, and caregiving. He’s the writer of Artistic Scholarship: Rethinking Analysis in Movie and New Media Home windows to the Sea: Collected Writings. You’ll be able to learn extra of his essays and reflections on his Substack at tonycollins.substack.com.