This submit is predicated on Week Three of An Ignatian Prayer Journey.
The picture of life as a journey of exile and return dwelling has at all times appealed to me. Like many Irish individuals, I’ve moved round so much. Introduced up on a farm in Northern Eire, I couldn’t wait to get away from it. Later, working in computer systems in England in 1988, I had my first existential disaster. Although I had an incredible job and all the pieces materially, I had no inside peace or enjoyment and had let go of my religion. Lastly, the stress compelled me to face that one thing was improper. In desperation, I signed up for a Benedictine retreat on the Isle of Wight to get some readability. That weekend, regardless that I used to be left largely to my very own units, merely strolling and reflecting, was to mark a turning level.
One night, I sat alone at evening within the monastery chapel, which was lit solely by the crimson sanctuary lamp. Then one thing occurred, as easy and as complicated as understanding that I used to be cherished. I used to be cherished by household and pals, however this solely hinted at a deeper loving presence. This understanding turned the sunshine that illuminated my then-superficial life-style and egoism; I used to be ashamed of how far I had drifted. Just like the Prodigal Son, I spotted I needed to start the journey again dwelling to who I actually was. This search, which initially concerned emigrating to Australia for a contemporary begin, would deliver me into contact with the Jesuits, and I returned to Eire to enter the order a number of years later.
The important thing Bible story for me was that of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11–32. It was such a rare story, as a result of it was so counter to my preliminary religion expertise. How may I be reinstated as a baby of God after all of the errors I had made? What sort of guardian would go to such nice lengths for me? Crucially, it was this parental unconditional love that jogged my memory of who I used to be, thawed my numb coronary heart, revealed my errors, and introduced me again dwelling. It is just within the mild of God’s love that I may “get up,” understand my errors, and discover the way in which again.
There is no such thing as a doubt that the yuppie life-style of consumerism and materialism I had been residing earlier than that retreat had begun to corrode my soul. The Catholic values with which I’d been raised lastly started to re-emerge as I prioritized prayer, religion, and serving to others. I may relate to St. Ignatius Loyola in his journey from swashbuckling courtier to penitential pilgrim. His religious wake-up name that got here from realizing that God was calling him in a radically totally different route resonated with me. I knew personally what Ignatius meant by “desolation,” this shifting away from God and my true self. Like Ignatius, my deep sense of unease and restlessness was the impetus to revive my lapsed religion, discover my inside life, and get some route ahead. One thing deep in me had rebelled in opposition to slender individualism and consumerism, impelling me to behave and select one other life path.
The invention of our true id in God and the sense of being forgiven and embraced in God’s mercy modifications hearts and lives.
Picture: Hans Thoma, “The Prodigal Son,” 1885. Public area by way of Wikimedia Commons.
