“Most individuals don’t pay attention with the intent to know; they pay attention with the intent to answer.” ~Stephen R. Covey
I used to suppose operating a barbershop was all about haircuts, schedules, and preserving shoppers pleased. I measured success by the variety of chairs crammed, how shortly we moved by means of the day, and whether or not every thing ran easily. Effectivity felt like a very powerful factor.
Then one afternoon, a second with a buyer modified every thing.
Mr. Hicks, a daily, got here in wanting unusually quiet. He slumped in my chair, barely making eye contact, and gave solely brief, mumbled solutions once I tried to make small speak. Usually, I might have crammed the silence, tried to maintain him speaking, or supplied recommendation. However that day, I paused. I merely listened. I let him sit in silence as I labored, resisting the urge to talk unnecessarily or attempt to “repair” something.
Minutes later, he started to share struggles he had been carrying for months—tensions at work, household challenges, the load of fixed exhaustion. By the point I completed his haircut, he seemed lighter, calmer, nearly relieved.
I noticed I hadn’t wanted to offer recommendation. I hadn’t wanted to resolve his issues. I had solely given him my consideration. That day, I realized a lesson I carry with me each time I sit behind the barber chair: listening is a present, endurance is a follow, and presence can heal in methods phrases typically can’t.
This lesson didn’t simply apply to Mr. Hicks. Over time, I started noticing related moments with different shoppers, apprentices, and even family and friends.
A younger apprentice, struggling to excellent his strategies, got here in a single morning wanting defeated. As a substitute of correcting him instantly, I stepped again, watched, and let him strive on his personal. When he lastly turned to me for steering, the lesson turned his personal. The enjoyment on his face was extra rewarding than any reward I may have supplied.
I’ve come to know that endurance isn’t nearly ready. It’s about presence. It’s about absolutely participating within the second, with out speeding to the following process. In a barbershop, it’s straightforward to really feel pressured—shoppers ready, appointments lined up, each second seeming priceless. However slowing down and giving somebody your full consideration creates connection in a method pace by no means can.
One afternoon, I confronted a very difficult state of affairs. A consumer got here in visibly annoyed and tense. Each suggestion I made appeared to annoy him additional.
I may have taken offense or brushed him off, however I attempted a distinct strategy. I listened not simply to his phrases however to the delicate cues: the tone of his voice, the strain in his shoulders, the hesitation in his actions.
Slowly, he started to calm down, and by the point I completed, he was calmer, smiling, and expressing gratitude. That have strengthened that typically, individuals want greater than recommendation. They want acknowledgment and area to be heard.
I’ve additionally carried these classes past the store. With associates, household, and even strangers, I attempt to pause earlier than responding, asking myself whether or not I’m really listening or simply ready to answer. I’ve seen that once I give individuals room to share overtly, relationships deepen and develop extra genuine.
Working a barbershop has taught me humility. Not each story is straightforward to listen to, and never each problem may be solved with phrases or actions. However being current, affected person, and genuinely attentive is a type of service that always issues greater than technical ability. I’ve realized that my position isn’t all the time to repair issues however to create a secure area the place individuals really feel seen, understood, and valued.
There have been moments of private development too. Early on, I struggled with impatience, speeding by means of duties, wanting immediate outcomes, and lacking the delicate cues from these round me. By listening to the human facet of my work, I’ve realized to decelerate, discover particulars, and reply thoughtfully moderately than react impulsively. This endurance has spilled over into different areas of my life—how I handle stress, deal with battle, and nurture relationships.
I’ve additionally found that listening can rework the listener as a lot because the speaker. Every story I hear challenges me to see the world from a distinct perspective. I’ve developed empathy I by no means knew I had, realizing that everybody carries burdens and struggles silently, looking for somebody prepared to easily acknowledge them. This consciousness has made me extra compassionate, not simply within the store, however in each interplay.
Typically, the teachings are available in sudden methods. I keep in mind a shy teenager who got here in for his first haircut. He was nervous, nearly silent, and appeared not sure of find out how to work together. I spoke much less, noticed extra, and let him get snug.
By the tip of the session, he was laughing, joking, and sharing tales. That straightforward act of endurance, giving him room to open up, jogged my memory that development typically occurs quietly, in small, unassuming moments.
Via all of this, I’ve realized that endurance and listening aren’t passive acts. They’re energetic selections we make each day. They require mindfulness, consideration, and the willingness to place one other individual’s expertise earlier than our personal must act or reply. Working a barbershop taught me that these selections, repeated over time, construct belief, deepen relationships, and foster real human connection.
If there’s one takeaway I can share, it’s this: decelerate, be current, and pay attention. Whether or not in a barber’s chair, a lounge, or a office, giving somebody your full consideration is a uncommon and priceless reward.
You don’t want particular coaching or experience, simply the willingness to be affected person, discover, and perceive. The teachings you study, and the expansion you expertise, will stick with you lengthy after the dialog ends.
About Timothy Warden
Timothy Warden is a barbershop proprietor in Stafford who believes haircuts are solely a part of the story. Listening and presence are simply as necessary. Via his work and each day interactions, he writes about private development, mindfulness, and human connection, sharing classes realized from the barber chair and past. Go to his web site at numberonebarbershoptx.com.