The Hidden Distinction Between Supportive Partnership and Emotional Management
When care turns into management?
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The next is a transcript from the Narcissistic Abuse Restoration Podcast
Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Restoration Podcast
Host: Lynn Nichols
Are we instructing silence?
Lynn is a heartfelt advocate for private progress and empowerment, and writes with uncooked perception on navigating narcissistic abuse, poisonous relationships, and generally the societal challenges tied to the patriarchy. With a deeply experiential method, her tales make clear the emotional complexities of breaking free from poisonous patterns and reclaiming one’s voice. L.N. gives contemporary views on gender dynamics, self-worth, and therapeutic, encouraging readers to rebuild from inside and revolutionize their relationships.
Lynn can also be a trauma-informed narcissistic abuse restoration coach and podcast host. She creates movies on her YouTube channel to carry the message of therapeutic and restoration. Be taught extra on her web site right here.
Image this… You’re in a relationship the place somebody takes care of every part for you. They deal with the funds… make the large choices… all the time know what’s finest for you. On the floor… it appears like love. However one thing feels… off. You’ll be able to’t fairly put your finger on it… however you are feeling smaller… extra dependent… much less like your self.
Possibly you’ve skilled this… or perhaps you’ve witnessed it in somebody you care about. That nagging feeling that one thing isn’t fairly proper… even when every part appears good from the surface.
Welcome again to the Narcissistic Abuse Restoration Podcast, I’m Lynn your Host. Proper round episode 85 our podcast was renamed to the Narcissistic Abuse Restoration Podcast previously Transferring Ahead with Hope – Narcissistic Abuse Restoration Podcast. Make sure you might be subscribed to our podcast.
In the present day we’re going to discuss one thing which will utterly shift… the way you see sure relationships in your life. We’re diving deep into the hidden mechanics of how care—real, loving care—can generally get twisted into patterns of management.
And right here’s what’s essential to grasp upfront… this isn’t about judging relationship preparations or conventional roles. Many {couples} thrive in partnerships the place one individual handles funds, one other manages the house, or the place roles are divided in ways in which work for each folks. The difficulty isn’t WHO does WHAT… it’s HOW these preparations are established and maintained.
What we’re specializing in at present are management patterns that may present up in ANY relationship dynamic… no matter gender roles or who’s accountable for what. These patterns can emerge steadily, typically with out anybody realizing it’s occurring.
Hearken to Episode 93 and the Article: The Patriarchy’s Excellent Lure – You Determine
Our purpose isn’t to assault anybody or any relationship model. It’s that will help you acknowledge when care crosses the road into management… so you may make knowledgeable selections about your relationships and guarantee your partnerships are constructed on mutual respect slightly than dependence.
By the top of this episode… you’ll perceive how these patterns present up… why they’ll really feel so regular… and most significantly… learn how to acknowledge the distinction between supportive partnership and emotional management.
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SEGMENT 1: DEFINING THE LANDSCAPE
What We Imply When We Say Management Patterns in Caring Relationships
Let’s begin with what we’re really speaking about right here. After we say “management patterns in caring relationships”… we’re not speaking about relationship roles or preparations. We’re speaking about behaviors and dynamics that may occur in any kind of partnership.
These patterns can develop in relationships the place one individual is the first breadwinner, the stay-at-home mother or father, the monetary supervisor, or the decision-maker. The association itself isn’t the issue… it’s when that association turns into a instrument for management slightly than a mutual selection.
Right here’s what’s essential to grasp… wholesome relationship preparations—whether or not conventional or non-traditional—are constructed on mutual settlement, respect, and the flexibility to renegotiate. Each folks keep their voice, their autonomy, and their particular person identification inside no matter roles they’ve chosen.
Management patterns, however, emerge when one individual makes use of their place—whether or not as supplier, caretaker, or decision-maker—to decrease the opposite individual’s company, voice, or independence.
The important thing distinction between supportive partnership and management patterns… is selection, communication, and respect. Supportive partnership asks “What works for each of us?” Management patterns function from “I do know what’s finest for you.”
Give it some thought this fashion… in wholesome preparations, each folks really feel empowered inside their roles. In management patterns, one individual feels diminished, no matter what the roles appear to be from the surface.
Vital clarification: Many {couples} select preparations the place one individual handles all of the funds, makes sure choices, or takes the lead in particular areas. These preparations might be extremely wholesome and fulfilling once they’re primarily based on mutual settlement, when each folks’s voices are heard, and when the association serves each folks’s targets and values.
SEGMENT 2: THE MECHANICS OF CONTROL DISGUISED AS CARE
How Real Love Will get Hijacked
Now let’s dive into how management patterns really work in relationships. The “caring controller” dynamic is likely one of the most complicated patterns as a result of it typically begins with real care and good intentions.
It’d start fantastically… Somebody gives to deal with your funds as a result of they’re good with cash. They make choices to “shield” you from stress. They care for issues earlier than you even know they exist. Initially, this will really feel great and supportive.
However over time, you would possibly discover delicate shifts. What began as useful help turns into… expectation. Your enter turns into much less essential. Your preferences grow to be secondary to their “experience.”
If you’re new to our podcast, welcome. We’ve got many new subscribers. Since Episode 69, The Narcissistic Abuse Restoration Podcast has been fearlessly deconstructing the patriarchal techniques that silence, shrink, and disgrace. We transcend floor conversations, unraveling taboos, difficult outdated norms, and opening doorways to matters so typically labeled off-limits. Every episode invitations you into daring, nuanced dialogue that validates lived experiences and empowers collective truth-telling.
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This podcast exists to show and problem the techniques that diminish, management, and silence. We deal with what has been neglected, query what has been normalized, and create house for therapeutic, readability, and collective power.
We function a useful resource of hope, encouragement, and validation, so victims of narcissistic abuse can rebuild their lives and pursue goals, visions, and intentional dwelling.
So… does this imply that anybody who dealt with the funds is controlling?
Monetary care turns into emotional leverage. This doesn’t imply everybody who handles funds is controlling. However look ahead to these patterns: “I deal with all the cash, so I ought to have the ultimate say on every part.” “You don’t want to fret about this—I’ve received it dealt with.” “You wouldn’t perceive the complexities.” When monetary administration turns into a motive to exclude you from choices about your individual life… that’s management.
Resolution-making will get disguised as “experience.” Once more, it’s regular for companions to have completely different strengths and for one individual to take the lead in sure areas. However management patterns emerge when the individual in cost begins to place themselves as the final word authority on what’s finest for you. Your instincts, preferences, and wishes grow to be secondary to their “knowledge.”
Right here’s what makes this so complicated… the individual doing this typically genuinely believes they’re serving to. They might have realized this sample from their very own household or tradition. They might actually assume they’re being loving and protecting. However influence issues greater than intent.
The guilt issue is essential right here. In wholesome preparations, you are feeling grateful AND empowered. In management patterns, you are feeling grateful but additionally someway responsible for wanting any independence. “They achieve this a lot for me… how can I complain?” “They’re simply making an attempt to assist.” “I needs to be extra appreciative.” This guilt typically retains unhealthy patterns in place.
Hearken to the remainder of the Podcast episode
How does management flip into narcissistic abuse?
When Care Turns into Management
The cycle typically appears like this: Overwhelming care and a spotlight… adopted by expectations of gratitude and compliance… adopted by management over selections and choices… and whenever you resist, the care will get withdrawn as punishment. Right here’s a concrete instance: Sarah’s accomplice Jake insists on dealing with all of the family choices as a result of he “needs to make her life simpler.” He chooses their condominium, manages all of the payments, picks their weekend actions, and even orders for her at eating places as a result of he “is aware of what she likes.” Initially, Sarah feels cared for and particular. However when she mentions wanting to go to her sister for the weekend, Jake turns into damage: “…
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