Printed on Psychology At the moment March 5, 2023
A main pathology of the narcissistic character is delusional grandiosity. That is most clearly displayed as smug entitlement, however exaggerated victimhood with an ongoing sufferer narrative is one other persistent characteristic of narcissistic grandiosity that may be exhausting to detect and even tougher to grasp.
Why Narcissists See Themselves as Victims
Let’s take a more in-depth have a look at the narcissist’s delusional sense of victimization, which is usually expressed via a woe-is-me sufferer narrative about their life. Why do they see themselves this fashion?
Emotions of Deprivation
Psychologically, the narcissistic character operates from a perspective of deprivation, believing there’s by no means sufficient deference to their emotions, wants, and specialness. Narcissists’ sense of deprivation derives from an underdeveloped identification, an lack of ability to validate their self-worth internally, and a compensatory delusion of superiority that creates cognitive dissonance between actuality and their exaggerated expectations of what life owes them.
Hypersensitivity
Due to their infamous emotional reactivity and hypersensitivity to not getting what they consider they deserve, whether or not it’s consideration, compliance, admiration, or types of service, narcissists regularly expertise emotions of unfairness and even persecution. The unusual slights and setbacks that all of us endure are for the narcissistic character enraging affronts to their sense of self-importance.
Lack of Empathy
Narcissists’ lack of emotional empathy means they not often if ever have a look at conditions from any perspective however their very own and habitually see themselves because the wronged celebration when there’s disappointment or battle of their relationships.
Sufferer Id
Folks scapegoated in childhood in a narcissistic household system who develop a narcissistic character typically strongly determine as victims and proceed to border their expertise that approach of their grownup relationships. An all-encompassing sense of victimization, widespread within the extra covert sort of narcissist, turns into the organizing precept of the self. This sort seems far much less showboating and extra weak than the overt narcissist, however they share the identical underlying character construction, together with emotions of superiority and repressed disgrace (splitting), damaging envy, and an impoverishment of empathy for others.
Why Narcissists Have a Sufferer Narrative
Narcissists’ compulsion to border their expertise as unjust and take the sufferer stance stems from their underlying instability and compensatory grandiosity. However enjoying up the a part of tragically wronged sufferer can also be a manipulative technique that serves their need to regulate others and sidestep accountability for his or her opportunistic and merciless habits.
Pity Ploys
As a result of narcissists are closely depending on others for validation of self and consider they need to be catered to, posturing because the sufferer of uncaring folks or unfair circumstances is a typical narcissistic technique for invoking guilt and getting consideration, sympathy, or caregiving. Empathetic folks will be particularly vulnerable to the narcissist’s sufferer narrative, which frequently includes damaging distortions, omissions, and outright lies about relations, buddies, or coworkers. Many narcissists develop into so expert at portraying themselves as long-suffering victims of terrible exes or ungrateful grownup youngsters that they reach alienating them from different household and neighborhood members who purchase into the narcissists’ devastating character assassinations.
Sufferer Blaming
Empty, alienated, envious, and contemptuous, narcissists are relational antagonists who exploit and demean others to handle their feelings and prop up their vanity. Developmentally immature, they rely closely on the childhood defenses of denial and projection. Essentially the most pernicious facet of narcissistic false victimhood is sufferer blaming, a type of projection whereby the narcissist behaves abusively towards somebody after which accuses that particular person of abusing them. An instance is a narcissistic partner who’s partaking in infidelity however tells household and buddies that their partner is being untrue, or a narcissistic mum or dad who provokes a toddler with mockery or criticism after which claims the kid is too delicate, troublesome, or offended.
Julie L. Corridor is the writer of The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Studying to Break Free from Hachette Books.
Want help? Julie gives specialised narcissistic trauma restoration teaching to purchasers around the globe.
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References
Day, N.J.S., Townsend, M.L. & Grenyer, B.F.S. Dwelling with pathological narcissism: a qualitative research. bord private disord emot dysregul 7, 19 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8
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